intentional self-coaching questionsRegardless of your life roles (personal and business), I would assume you agree that given a choice to whether you’d rather be flourishing in your life or languishing in your life, you would choose flourishing.

(If you seriously would rather languish, or just don’t care, I recommend you seek professional help… because whether you believe it to be true or not, if that is your genuine point of view on this question of flourishing v languishing, it’s negatively impacting on your capacity to live a happy, flourishing and prosperous life – for you and for those you love).

I’m just finishing up my first year’s work on a Master Degree in Applied Positive Psychology. It’s been fascinating, challenging, enjoyable and at times positively stressful (yes that’s a real term and the two can co-exist).

In a recent subject on positive psychology coaching and counselling, one of the recommended texts was Gerard Egan’s ‘The Skilled Helper’. I read that book almost two decades ago as part of my MBA where I majored in human behaviour.

There are three questions that Egan refers to in his process as a skilled helper that each of us can personally apply to our own lives as our own intentional ‘self-coach’.

Here are the three questions:

1. What’s going on? (Choose one or more of your life roles and ask yourself this question).

2. What do you want? (Again, staying with the life role(s) you chose in question one, ask this question in terms of what do you want for you, and also, what do you want for others who you impact in that life role of yours?)

3. How could you get that? (Finally, by asking yourself how you might get what it is you want for you and for those you impact in that life role(s), you start to gain clarity on the intentional actions you can take to flourish even more in that aspect of your life).

Footnote: But what if you don’t have the answer to question three? The reality is you might not – but ask the question anyway… think about it for a while. Write it down, or make a note of it so you can see the question regularly through the day (keep it private though). Sometimes when we ask ourselves questions we might not know the answer to, opportunities appear in various forms that might include an opportunity to meet someone who might help answer your question or solve your problem; a course you might attend; a book or article you might read; an experience you might not have thought of or some other opportunity.

Finally, if over a 30 day period you still haven’t moved forward in discovering your answer, it might be time to seek out a mentor or coach who could help you. If you do get to that point, seek someone who has the qualifications and experiences to help you… and not just one of the self appointed life coaches who are just going to ask you the same question you’ve asked of yourself. At this point, you don’t need a coach who questions, you need a mentor/coach who will guide you into ‘experiential action’.